he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
