He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
