you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize