walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
