you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
