You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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