the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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