dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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