My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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