Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
