i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
