So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
