did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
