operation harelip BJ is a go
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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