it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
