Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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