Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
