Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
