I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
