Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize