From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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