I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
