Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
