Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
