I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
