hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
