Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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