She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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