I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
