we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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