i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
