I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
