VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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