I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
