I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
