I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
