i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
