I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
