I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
