Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
