My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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