Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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