Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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