This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
