Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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