how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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