good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
