I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
