He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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