you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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