glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
