shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
