So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love having hate sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize