i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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