ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
