Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
