how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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