I can text with my tongue
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
