i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize