I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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