WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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