Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
