You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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